“I do believe; help my unbelief”

A is bringing me countless play-doh creations-- showing me them and then dumping them in my lap. They are getting squished into a giant, icky ball. The colors are all mixed, and they look like colorful, gross pieces of spaghetti mashed together. Every time she brings them over, I praise her and tell her how good at play-doh she is and how much I like them, so she doesn't stop. This is how I picture my relationship with God right now. I keep bringing Him crap, just shoving it at him like, "Here you go God, do you still love me? Really?? Are you sure?"

I don’t know about you, but I have been living so many of those days where God doesn’t “feel” close by. Exhaustion, stress, my own failures, my past, and hurtful things happening currently, all have a way of blinding me to my Dad’s hand reaching out to lift me up out of the pit. Yet here He is, more than ever. Throughout it all, to know that He SEES me is what gives me hope, even though I don’t see Him sometimes. My prayers reflect the plea of one father, watching his demon-possessed son suffer repeatedly (can you imagine anything worse for your child?): “I do believe; help my unbelief” (NIV, Mark 9:24) Even while that dad had Jesus standing directly in front of Him, he still couldn’t “see” or believe Jesus could heal his son. He still asked Jesus to help his unbelief. I don’t see Jesus in front of me, but I pray that prayer too. My faith does not come from me.

Even just today, I already received two answers to prayer; things that I had long ago given up hope on and then sadly forgotten about completely, but God still remembered and answered in obvious ways. So friend, wherever you are in your life, you are not condemned for your failings or your lack of faith. You are loved regardless of whether you feel “all spiritual” and like life is going splendidly, or your spiritual life is about as warm as a frozen lake (don’t ask me where that terrific metaphor came from… It’s just great, isn’t it: J Disclaimer: I just took a midterm! And all I listen to is the Frozen soundtrack).

Lastly, I've been singing this song for a week now; it brings me hope and freedom! 

You delight in showing mercy

And mercy triumphs over judgement

My past embraced

My sin forgiven

I’m blameless in Your sight.

My history rewritten

Oh love, great love

Fear cannot be found in You

And there will never be a day

You’re uncertain of the ones You choose

So I will wake

And spend my days

Loving the One who has raised me up

From death to life

From wrong to right

You’re making all things beautiful

Mercy, sung by Amanda Cook

Pictures of Avalon from this summer, because, why not.