It's that time of the year when the students swarm back into our town. It's easier to complain about them than to pray for them.
It's this time every year that I start thinking about it. I am concerned for their safety and the choices they make.
I had just turned 19, and it was his 27th birthday party. A friend of my good friend. I had arranged for someone to pick me up down the street, in one hour. Just going to drop by. Just one drink, and then leave.
My last memory that night was of him mixing me a drink, his face turned away from me.
I became conscious 4 or 5 hours later and found that I was being assaulted by him. I was not able to move or leave.
There are many details I could share, but I have found that reading other people's details can be harmful. I want to help others.
The most horrifying thought of all--to live in a body that I was formerly not in control of. The memories I could maybe live with, but what about the unknown? The unconscious hours?
This was a darker place than I could ever have imagined.
"Hey...what happened last night shouldn't have happened."
His fingers said to me: "??? Nothing happened..." A simple answer, the perfect lie. Oh... I get it! I'm the crazy one here! I'll accept that answer.
I laid in bed for 2 days, feeling sicker than I have ever been. My body was foreign to me. The back of my head was so sore. Little fingerprint bruises dotted my arms. I didn't understand. My friend explained, "It's because you fell and we had to lift you up." Oh, okay!
I stood in a room with 4 men and tried to say something was wrong. My "friend", and him, and two roommates. They were all so very angry at me. Why were they all so angry? I left in shame. They won. They were right. Of course they were right. Yes, and I am fine. I am fine.
Lies are so much easier to grab onto than the truth.. but something made my fingers slip.No matter how many times I tried to wash myself clean, I couldn't wash it away.
This is the part of my story that I am willing to share in detail. Here are the words that I would go back and say to myself. I hope these words can help you, too.
1. It happened. You are not okay. You will not be okay for a very long time. You cannot be unaffected by this.
2. My dear, I believe you. And it was not your fault...
3. You did not deserve this, want this, ask for this, allow this, consent to this.
4. It will take 6 years for you to know in your heart and your head that it was not your fault. Do you know something? That is okay.
5. You will forgive yourself, and surprisingly, you will forgive him and the others and pray for them.
6. You will love and trust God. What? How can it be? You will be friends with God. You will feel Him around you. He will hold you in a way that you can't understand, but you will know that He is there. You will accept that He is FOR you.
I challenge you to take back the truth... it belongs to you.
"He took her by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum!" (which means 'Little girl, I say to you, get up!'" (Mark 5:41)
