When Dad Is Not There

"Who's dat?"

"The mommy."

"Who's dat?"

"The daddy."

"Who's dat?"

"The kids"

"Where's my daddy?"

So today A asked The Really Hard Question..
I thought she would ask this at age six. That's not very realistic of me, but I was hoping to put it off for awhile until I was better "prepared". I know that some single mamas (as well as those who are children of a single parent) are kind enough to take the time to read this blog, so I just want to take a second and have a real moment: It hurt. Amidst all of  my statements and feelings that God is our father and how we can do hard stuff and I love being A's mom and I'm so supported by my family and community and we'll be okay, of course it's still very hard.
There was about a five-second pause after she asked this that felt like maybe a year. My brain tried to register a few things-- first, that my barely 2-year-old child was capable of understanding that something was missing and is able to vocalize that, and second, was just.. pain in my chest.
I can't describe it better than that. Then I said, "A, who is your daddy?"

"Unca Bian." She said confidently. Honestly, I think she just said this knowing that Brian is Asher's daddy, but I am so glad that she knows how loved she is and that he is a father figure.

This isn't going to be an inspiring, completely well-thought out post but I just want to say...thank you to all the dads out there who are loving the little ones, whether they are related or not, whether they get praise and honor for it, or are simply do it without thanks. Thank you to all the dads who know that they are not enough and ask Christ for help. Thank you to my dad for loving me. Thank you to the famous Unca Bian.
And thank you to all the people who are dealing with the empty space of a missing person in their life, but are walking in faith believing that God is more than enough.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10