We CAN Do Hard Things

I zoned off after a long day of work, helping clients and entering data and making too much coffee.

My mind jumps from Ellis Island immigrants hoping to inherit the promise to dirty diapers to my dirty car to planning staff birthdays at work to Avalon's friend's birthday party to finding a babysitter to my big assignment due to volunteering to being able to pay the bills next week to finding winter boots for Avalon to spending enough time on schoolwork to not sleeping at night to....

I looked over my events on Facebook and found another invitation to a Halloween party, and tears threatened to overflow as I thought about all the things I need to do this weekend. 

On top of it all, school.. although I love it, it threatens to dominate my life and has been the cause for my stress levels climbing higher and higher up the mountain of papers and facts and textbooks! 

The thought of climbing (or squeezing) into a Halloween costume and making merry is terrifying and seems ridiculous to me when faced with the rest of my week. At the same time I really want to, I mean, AM DYING TO/LONG TO, have fun and forget about my life for awhile, and have a real, meaningful conversation that is not cut short by demands for milk and "Hold me!"

The theme of my week has been casting my cares on God, a concept which I have been ignoring until today. Today, I fully felt the weight (again) of what it means to NOT do this (I felt like one of those huge, buzzing Idaho beetles that no one knows the name of, squashed under a bowling ball). 

I can't be all these characteristics-- a good mom, a good student, a good employee, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good volunteer, a good..person, and on top of that, be in shape,  be self controlled, look fabulous, and use my time wisely... 

It is a crushing burden that I don't know how to bear. I am juggling things that are very important to me, but sooner or later I continue drop the ball in certain areas.

Along with my other assignments, I've also been pursuing a major in Facebook, and I think that has caused more damage than I even know. Comparison is the thief of joy. Using all my mental energy on conversations and comments and likes and videos and friends, who simply cannot go beyond the virtual screen, is so unhelpful. Can we get together in real life now? 

With every Christian blog post, there should be some "sound Biblical references", right? Well, too bad. Go look in your Bible! That's where I need to be now.

And then back to the books, and then I will stay up too late and fall asleep hard, and I will probably wake up with A poking me in the back with her feet and saying, "GET UP NOW MOM". And that will be okay. 

Because I am small, and God is big, but He does care about the little things, and He will give me the rest I need in unexpected ways.